 |
 |
|
|||
|
Survey of Adult Adoptees In the fall of 2002 we posted a questionnaire that addressed what people who have been adopted think about certain aspects of their experience. We received an endorsement from Joe Soll and he has been kind enough to put our questionnaire on the Adoption Crossroads Web Site. As a result, we got approximately 400 responses from that group, as well as some responses from birth parents and adoptive parents and other researchers. We are particularly grateful for the time and seriousness that adoptees brought to their responses and their willingness to share anecdotes with us. We want to thank all of you for your involvement. We are pleased to share our results with you. The people involved in developing this questionnaire are all social workers involved with post adoption services in agencies and private practice in New York City. We are not trained researchers and we have come to realize that there are some serious flaws in our research instruments; nevertheless, we think that we have gathered valuable information that can be used to inform and perhaps even transform our policy and practice. The overwhelming majority of the people who responded were adopted as infants under a year old. They had minimal experience in the foster care system. Interestingly, many of our respondents believed that they were adopted the day that they entered the adoptive family's home i.e. the day the relationship began rather than (as adoption professionals often think) the moment a judge issues an adoption degree. The legal technicalities‑the culmination of an adoption professional's work‑have far less meaning to adoptive children and adoptive parents. What role did your birth mother play in your emotional development? We were surprised that the overwhelming majority of respondents were neutral about the role of their birth mothers. There were slightly more respondents who felt positively rather than negatively about the role she played in their emotional development. Many said that they had no contact with her until they were adults and that their feelings became more complicated after reunion. As researchers, we felt in hindsight, that this question should have been more specific; although it still gave us some insight into how adult adoptees viewed the absence of their birth mother in their early emotional life. Clearly, adult adoptees did not think of the moment of conception and pregnancy as part of their relationship. What role has your adoptive mother played in your emotional development? The respondents felt three to one that she played a positive role. Some had mixed feeling but very few felt neutral about her role in their lives. What role has your birth father played in your emotional development? Almost all of the respondents were neutral about the role of their birth father and the very few positive responses about equaled the very few negative ones. We got the impression that the birth father is a very ghostlike figure. What role has your adoptive father played in your emotional development? Although there were some neutral responses, there were many more positive comments than negative ones. Do you think your birth parents and adoptive parents could have parented you together? If yes, in what way? Most people said they could not have parented together. They said that they would not have gotten along because they were too dissimilar and that it would be too hard on the adoptive parents. As researchers, we should have clarified our terms more carefully. We were not talking about "shared parenting" but some new or newly conceived form or category of "family" that might extend interactions and cooperation among all members of the adoption triad. How has your thinking about adoption changed through the years? These answers were among our most interesting responses. Some people felt positive from the fist about adoption and their feelings had not changed. Others felt positive about adoption, but not about the withholding of their medical and family history. This feeling increased when they had their own children. Others never felt positive about being adopted. Still others realized sooner rather than later the impact it had on their lives. Searching often made people's thinking change. The primary trend that emerged was that as people got older, they began to realize more of the impact of adoption (positive and negative). As people matured, they became more aware that they had feelings of being rejected related to their adoption. Were there things you wanted to know about yourself that only your birth family could tell you? Please elaborate. This question elicited very strong reactions. Adoptees felt that they have a right to their own history and that the records should be open. People felt very frustrated by not knowing their medical histories. Many felt only birth family members could tell them if they looked like, talked like, or had other traits of their birth family. What role do you feel your adoption agency played in your life? Many of the responses came from people who were adopted privately and had no direct contact with an agency. Others were adopted through an agency but had no memorable contact until they began to search. Negative views of the agency related to the perception of their operating primarily as a business and to their not giving adoptees the information they sought as a result of sealed records. Should an adoption agency have a continued role after adoption? If yes, what role? We were surprised at the number of people, indeed a majority, who felt that the agency should have remained active in their lives. Some people wanted counseling services and help discussing adoption with their adoptive parents and assistance facilitating reunions, sometimes even by acting as a liaison with their birth families. Others felt that someone should have continued to monitor their adoptive families. The agency, some felt, should fulfill its obligation to assemble complete files on adoptees and birth families, including pictures and background medical and family history; many wished the agency would consistently update such files and make them available to adoptees upon request. What times in your life could the agency have helped? People emphatically felt that the agency should have remained active during search and reunion. Some also felt that the agency should have offered ongoing counseling to their adoptive parents about adoption and remained available to help with family problems, especially during adolescence, when identity issues were a particular struggle for so many. With what issues do you think the agency could have been helpful? Some adoptees felt that their adoptive parents were very closed and defensive about adoption issues, especially about feelings of being a non‑traditional family. Many felt parents were not responsive to adoptees' need to know about their background. Some adoptees experienced more serious issues of emotional instability that they believed related to the family's inability to handle their own issues regarding infertility and adoption as well as general parenting issues. Counseling provided by the agency could have addressed these matters. An important result of the research was the significant number of people who shared their time and so thoroughly responded to our questions. This suggests the possibility, even urgency, of further and deeper dialogue on important matters. The need for professionals to listen to people who have experienced adoption must be reiterated. We heard very clearly the expression of the negative effect on adoptees of not having basic birth history information, especially their medical histories. We see the urgency of advocating for open records and feel some responsibility to make this issue known to our legislators and other adoption professionals. The ongoing need of adoptive families for specific help around adoption issues, through all the developmental stages but especially adolescence, was another research result that bears further exploration and action. We often found our preconceptions and expectations challenged by the material the study produced. We want to thank all of our participants. We intend to share this information with adoption professionals in order to improve the services that we provide. Wendy Freund MSEd., LCSW |
